Words You Don't Mean
by Lillyflower01
Summary: "I love you." Even though those were he words he'd been longing to hear, they broke his heart more than anything else he'd ever heard. You shouldn't say things you don't mean. Dan Howell has been in love with his best friend, Phil Lester, for as long as he can remember. But of course the latter doesn't feel the same. However a fake relationship hurts more than rejection.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE**

 _'phil I have to tell you something.'_

 _'it's important.'_

 _'like rly important'_

Phil glanced up from my his phone, his eyes landing on the brunet sitting next to him.

"Dan, you're sitting right next to me, you didn't have to text me," chuckled Phil.

Dan sent his friend a small smile, a light pink appearing on his cheeks.

"Anyways, what did you wanna tell me?" questioned Phil.

Dan chewed quietly on his lower lip, his eyes locked on his fingers, which were playing with a loose string of his sweatshirt.

"I..." Dan shuffled awkwardly in his seat.

Phil gently squeezed Dan's shoulder, giving his friend a kind smile.

"It's okay. I won't judge you," promised Phil. "Besides, it can't be anything too bad, right?"

"Well...It's just that..." Dan took a deep breath. "Phil, I'm kind of gay. Well, okay, a lot gay. But-well-yeah..."

Dan hesitantly glanced up at his friend, a relieved sigh escaping his lips when he saw Phil's expression. The raven haired boy was grinning at him, his eyes sparkling. Without warning, Phil tackled Dan in a large hug.

"Well that's alright," Phil smiled. "You're still the same Dan. I just know a little more about you now."

Dan couldn't stop the grin from forming on his face.

"You truly are amazing," he breathed as he slowly pulled away from the hug.

"Why?" wondered Phil. "Because I treat you like a human? Isn't that just decency?"

"Because you say things like that," beamed Dan.

Phil chuckled.

"Do you wanna play sonic?" he suddenly questioned.

"I come out of the closet and all you wanna do is play video games," Dan rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Wow, okay."

Phil chortled. "Would you rather have a long, uncomfortable, cheesy conversation?"

"Okay, let's go play sonic!" exclaimed Dan.

"I can't believe you beat me again!" moaned Phil, tossing the controller carelessly to the side.

Dan cackled. "I am the king of Sonic!"

Phil chuckled as he tossed his arms around Dan.

"You're very affectionate today," chortled Dan, returning the embrace and trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach.

"I just want you to know that I still love you and you're still my best friend," beamed Phil.

"I know," smiled Dan.

Phil started to pull away, only for Dan to yank Phil back into another hug.

"But thank you anyways," mumbled Dan.

"Of course," murmured Phil.

The friends pulled away, grinning at each other. Dan trapped his lower lip between his teeth as he stared into his best friend's bright eyes.

"So, are there any boys you like?" Phil questioned.

"Erm..." Dan awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. "N-Not really."

"S-Sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable?" frowned Phil.

"No!" exclaimed Dan. "No. It's okay. I just..."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Phil smiled supportively.

Dan returned the gesture as he cuddled close to his ebony haired friend.

"I want to tell you," he mumbled. "But I don't know how."

"That's okay," Phil said. "Just wait until you're ready to tell me."

"Thank you," muttered Dan.

"Are you gonna come out to the phandom?" Phil asked, cautiously. "And it's fine if you're not!"

"Probably," Dan chewed nervously on his lower lip. "I don't know when. But probably soon."

Phil nodded, slowly. "Okay."

Dan took a deep breath, sitting up to face his best friend.

"Phil, I need to tell you something really, really important," he informed.

Phil nodded, encouragingly.

Dan ran his hands through his hair as he chewed nervously on his lower lip.

"It's okay," muttered Phil as he grabbed Dan's hands, giving them a gentle squeeze. "I'm here for you."

"I...I just...You see...God, Phil I'm worried this is gonna make it awkward between us!" exclaimed Dan, suddenly leaping forward again to wrap his arms around Phil.

"Don't worry," Phil smiled. "Nothing could possibly make it awkward between us. I mean, it's not like you're going to admit your undying love for me." Phil chuckled at the lame attempt of a joke.

Dan took a deep breath, burying his face in Phil's shoulder.

"That-That's not what you were gonna say, r-right?" murmured Phil.

"Well, not exactly my _undying_ love," mumbled Dan, fiddling with the sleeves of his sweatshirt.

"Oh..." Phil breathed.

"I'm sorry," Dan whispered.

Phil wrapped his arms around the brunette.

"It's okay," Phil said, quietly. "It's not your fault. And it's not bad."

" _This_ is why I love you," Dan declared. "You're so amazing and kind and beautiful and-Sorry, I'm probably making you uncomfortable, I'll stop."

"It's okay," Phil smiled. "But, I'm sorry I don't feel the same."

"I know," mumbled Dan. "And I know I just ruined everything but-"

"Dan, it's fine," Phil reassured him. "This isn't going to change anything between us."

Dan smiled shyly up at his friend. "You sure?"

Phil nodded. "I promise."

 **[A/N]**

 **Hopefully you guys like this story. Sorry that most of the chapters will be kind of short, but they're supposed to be that way. Anyways, please review! Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

"Hello internet. So today I have something rather important to talk about..." Dan trailed off, unsure how to start this video. "I-um-um-Ugh- _Phil_!"

"What?" Phil's voice cried out from his bedroom.

"Can you help me with this video?" Dan questioned.

A moment later, Phil was standing in his doorway, smiling brightly.

"What's the video?" Phil wondered.

"My coming out video," Dan admitted, nervously chewing his lower lip.

"Oh!" Phil sat down on Dan's bed. "Okay. Do you want me to just sit here and be supportive?"

Dan chuckled, nodding slowly. "Yeah, sure. hang on, let me fix the camera angle and I can sit with you."

Phil nodded as Dan moved the camera before plopping down next to Phil. Dan took a deep breath, causing Phil to gently squeeze his shoulder and send him a small smile.

"It'll be fine," the older promised. "They'll still love you."

Dan smiled thankfully before returning his gaze to the camera.

"Hello internet," he repeated. "So today I have something rather important to talk about. And you can probably guess what from the title."

He glanced at Phil, who gently squeezed his hand in support.

"I'm gay!" announced Dan.

"Not a little gay, a lot gay," Phil piped up.

"Shut up," Dan rolled his eyes, chuckling. "He's referencing to when I came out to him. Phil, they won't get the reference!"

"Well now they will," Phil exclaimed. "We just told them!"

"Right, okay," Dan chortled.

" _Ugh_! That was _hard_!" complained Dan, collapsing onto his back.

"I think you did a good job, though," grinned Phil.

"Thanks," smiled Dan.

"Do you wanna watch Attack on Titan?" asked Phil.

"I have to edit this," sighed Dan.

"But you already worked so hard filming it," Phil stated. "C'mon. Just a little break."

"Alright," chuckled Dan. "But only because you're cute."

Phil glanced down, a light pink appearing on his cheeks as he shuffled his feet awkwardly. Even though he knew Phil didn't like him back, Dan couldn't ignore the way his heart sank when he saw Phil's reaction.

"Erm-S-Sorry," Dan mumbled. "It just sorta slipped out. I didn't mean-"

"It's okay!" smiled Phil, glancing back up at him. "I mean, a compliment's a compliment, right?"

Dan smiled at his friend, sending him a small nod.

"I don't wanna make you uncomfortable," he murmured.

"Don't worry about it," beamed Phil. "Now c'mon!"

Dan followed Phil into the living room, ignoring the slightly upset feeling in his stomach.

"I'm going to upload it," mumbled Dan, his eyes fixed on the computer screen and his finger hovering above the button. "I'm going to upload it... _Ugh_. I can't do it!"

"What's wrong?" questioned Phil, glancing up from his laptop.

"What if uploading my coming out video is a bad idea?" Dan frowned.

"You don't have to upload it if you don't want to," Phil informed.

"I want to upload it but..." Dan trapped his lower lip between his teeth.

"You're scared?" muttered Phil.

Dan nodded, slowly.

"It'll be okay," Phil promised. He crawled closer to his friend, wrapping his arms around Dan. "They'll still love you."

"Are you sure?" murmured Dan.

Phil nodded, pulling away from the hug. "Positive. I mean, most of them want us to be gay anyways. I'm sure it'll make someone's day."

Dan chuckled. "I suppose."

Phil grinned, squeezing Dan's shoulder supportively.

Dan took a deep breath before slowly clicking the upload button. He squeezed his eyes shut, running a hand through his hair.

"Well I guess there's no going back now," he mumbled.

Phil once again threw his arms around the brunette.

"I'm proud of you," Phil breathed.

"Thanks," Dan beamed.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

"Damn, all you guys wanna talk about is boys," Dan chuckled at the liveshow's stream. "Fine. Umm...Maya wants to know if there are any boys I like at the moment. Erm-Maybe." the brunette smirked at the computer screen.

He was immediately greeted by his fans begging him to tell them everything.

 _'Who do you like?'_

 _'Is it Phil?!‽'_

 _'Awe, Dan, don't tease us like that.'_

 _'I bet he loves Phil.'_

 _'Dan please tell us.'_

 _'1S phAN rEAl?!1!1‽ /1?'_

Dan chuckled, running a hand through his hair.

"Okay, sense you guys asked so nicely, I'll tell you who," Dan sighed in mock defeat. "Oh, now you're guessing. who do you think I like? Most of you say Phil, no surprise there. Someone says Tyler Oakley." Dan couldn't help but laugh. "Where did that come from? Okay, being completely honest, I would let him bang me. But that's not who I like."

Dan chewed on his lower lip, suddenly nervous. Was he sure he wanted to tell the internet?

He sighed as he noticed the thread. Everyone was begging him to tell them who it was.

"Alright, fine, I'll tell you..." Dan trailed off awkwardly. He took a deep breath. "Most of you guessed it, yes, it's Phil."

The chat immediately exploded.

 _'I knew it!'_

 _'YESYESYEESYESYESYES!1!1!11!'_

 _'ADIHSDUIUIGUGJSDGFUISFGHSJGSHGFUISBGOJJHGS'_

 _'AWWWWWWAWAWWWWW'_

 _'So is phan real‽'_

 _'PHANPHANPHANPHANPHAN!'_

 _'PhAN 1s rEAl!1!1!'_

Dan chuckled, running a hand through his hair.

"No, phan's not real," Dan informed. "Sorry to disappoint. Phil doesn't feel the same. But he knows how I feel and he's been really sweet about it."

 _'Awwwwww.'_

 _'wHY n0T?!‽?‽'_

 _'Philly why'_

 _'Philly why don't you love Dan?'_

 _'NO0oo0oOOOoo0oO!11!1! Danyul, my heart is broken.'_

Dan shook his head in humor. "Sorry, guys. Umm...what else is there to talk about? Oh, PJ wants to know where Phil is. I think he's in the living room. Do you guys want him to join the liveshow? Yeah? Okay. _Phiiiilllllll_!"

He waited for a moment, a smile flickering over his face as he heard Phil wandering towards his room.

"Yeah?" Phil said as he walked through the doorway, stopping next to Dan.

"Our fans missed you," Dan smiled up at the older male.

Phil giggled. "Oh yeah?" He raised his hand to wave to the camera. "Hi guys!"

"We were just talking about you," Dan informed.

"Nothing too bad, I hope."

 _'Dan was just telling us how much he loves you.'_

 _'Phil why don't you love Dan back?!1?‽?!1?'_

Phil sent Dan a questioning expression.

"You told them that?" he wondered.

Dan shrugged, his eyes awkwardly fixed on his shoes. Phil chuckled.

"Alright. Well, that's fine," Phil responded, quietly. "It's your secret to tell."


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Dan wandered into the living room, plopping down next to Phil on the couch.

"Popcorn?" wondered Dan, holding out the large blue bowl.

"Hmm? Oh-erm-sure," nodded Phil, glancing away from his computer screen and taking a couple pieces.

"Is something wrong?" questioned Dan as he noticed the slightly saddened look on his friend's face.

Phil quickly shut the laptop and forced a smile onto his face.

"I'm fine," he replied.

"You can tell me," Dan pressed. "I just don't want you to be upset."

"I'm fine," Phil repeated. "I promise. It was just a few comments on my latest video. Nothing too bad. I'll be okay."

Dan sent his friend a small smile. "You sure?"

Phil nodded. "Thanks though."

"Will more popcorn make you feel better?" asked Dan as he carefully placed a piece of popcorn on top of Phil's head.

Phil just giggled and grabbed the popcorn off of his head, throwing it playfully back at Dan's face.

"Maybe," Phil smiled, grabbing a handful of popcorn. "Can we watch Buffy too?"

"Of course," Dan agreed.

Phil beamed and quickly set up the TV before grabbing more popcorn. Dan turned to fix a slightly worried look on his friend, who luckily was too infatuated with Sarah Michelle Gellar to notice.

Dan allowed a quiet sigh to escape his lips. Phil was obviously upset about something, even if he insisted he was fine. Whatever it was, Dan was determined to make sure that Phil actually was okay.

Dan laid in bed, his dark sheets wrapped tightly around him. In front of him sat his laptop, which was quietly playing Phil's latest video. Dan had originally found the video in order to see if there really were any rude comments that might affect Phil, but he had gotten distracted by Phil's voice and ended up watching the entire video. Dan couldn't help it. He loved watching Phil's videos. He loved seeing Phil's enormous grin and he loved hearing his laugh. He loved the sound of his voice and the bright color of his eyes. He loved watching him talk so enthusiastically about everything he loved.

The video ended all too quickly and Dan was about to watch another video before remembering why he had come onto YouTube in the first place. He searched through the comments, smiling at the nice ones. However, the smile suddenly flickered into a frown when he spotted a certain comment.

 _'Why would you reject Dan‽ How could you break his heart‽ He's better than you in every way. Why don't you just disappear, no one would care.'_

A feeling of guilt settled into Dan's stomach. Normally, he wouldn't feel this guilty but one, it was kind of his fault that Phil was receiving this hate and two, this wasn't the worst one. There was so much more hate than usual.

Without stopping to think, Dan slipped off his bed and wandered towards Phil's room. The brunette quietly pushed the door open, causing his friend to glance up.

"Dan?" Phil sleepily mumbled. "What's wrong?"

Dan rushed to Phil's side, tossing his arms tightly around his friend. Phil stiffened for a moment, obviously slightly confused, before slowly wrapping his arms around Dan's waist.

"I'm sorry," Dan mumbled into Phil's chest.

"For what?" wondered Phil. The raven haired boy ignored the slightly awkward feeling in his stomach and slowly ran his fingers through Dan's hair.

"I saw the comments on your video," Dan muttered.

Phil stopped tangling his fingers in Dan's hair for a moment. "Oh."

"I'm sorry," repeated Dan.

"It's okay. It's not your fault," Phil assured him as he resumed lacing his fingers through Dan's brunette curls.

"If I just hadn't come out. Or if I just hadn't admitted that I liked you to the entire phandom!" huffed Dan. "Then none of this would be happening."

Phil tightened his grip on his friend.

"It's not your fault," he repeated. "You didn't know this would happen and I know you don't mean any harm."

Dan nuzzled his face into Phil's chest. Laying there with his head resting on Phil's chest and Phil's hand running through his hair, Dan could almost pretend they were a couple.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

"Phil?"

Phil glanced up, his tight expression turning softer as he noticed Dan's slightly timid face.

"Is everything alright?" Dan questioned.

"Yeah, sorry," muttered Phil, running his hands over his tired eyes. "I'm just...stressed."

Dan sent Phil a small smile and sat down next to the older boy, cuddling close to the older boy.

"Is this okay?" Dan asked, glancing up at Phil with wide eyes.

Phil nodded absentmindedly. Dan grinned and cuddled closer, his eyes fixed on the laptop in front of them.

"These are horrible," the brunette mumbled as his eyes flickered over the comments.

Phil quickly snapped the laptop shut.

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "It's fine. I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Dan wondered.

"Yeah," Phil nodded. "Dan, you don't have to worry about me."

"I'm your best friend! It's basically law for me to worry about you," Dan argued, causing the older boy to giggle.

"Come on! Do you wanna play Mario Cart?" Phil grinned, jumping to his feet.

The corners of Dan's lips tugged downwards. "Phil, I really do want to help."

"Playing Mario Cart will help," Phil insisted. "It'll take my mind off of things."

Dan didn't necessarily believe him, but Phil seemed so desperate to get out of this conversation that Dan just sighed and announced that he hoped Phil was ready to get his ass whooped.

"You'll see!" cried Phil. "This time, I will beat you!"

"In your dreams!" Dan shouted, sticking out his tongue childishly.

However, twenty minutes later, Dan could tell that his friend was having trouble concentrating.

"Phil," sighed Dan, pausing the game and ignoring Phil's protest. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"I told you, I'm fine," Phil stressed.

"You still seem upset," Dan frowned. "I just...I want to help you."

Phil sighed and pulled his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his knees.

"It's just that everyone seems to hate me at the moment," Phil muttered. "And I know there are still people who don't hate me and that I shouldn't let the hate affect me. But it's hard to ignore it when it's just about half of my comments. Not to mention that I can recognize some of the accounts-people who used to be so supportive are now just so..." he trailed off, his eyes fixed on his sock covered feet.

Dan could nearly hear his heart shattering. And knowing that this was his fault made it worse. But he couldn't tell Phil that. That would only make it worse. So instead, Dan wrapped his arms tightly around the other boy.

"I could tell them this whole thing was just a joke?" Dan suggested, timidly.

"No!" exclaimed Phil. "No, no. You don't have to do that. You came out and I'm so, so proud of you because of it."

"But I have to do _something_!" Dan insisted. "I can't just sit here and watch you get undeserved hate! This is my fault and I should fix it!"

Dan silently cursed himself. He didn't to make things harder on Phil by needing him to console him.

"This is in no way you're fault," Phil insisted. "You did nothing wrong."

Dan silently stared down at the floor.

"There must be something I can do," he murmured.

"Well..." Phil shuffled awkwardly in his seat. "There was one thing I thought of..."

"What?" Dan asked, eager to help his friend.

"Well, it's not a very good plan-in fact it's pretty terrible-and I'm ashamed I even thought of it," Phil rambled. "But...I was thinking...and everyone's upset because I don't like you back...so we could fake a relationship?"


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

Dan stared at his friend, his eyes wide in surprise. Faking a relationship was probably one of the last things he expected Phil to suggest. And while the offer was tempting (who wouldn't want to fake a relationship with their crush?), it was still rather painful to think about.

"I don't think that's a good idea..." Dan said, softly.

Phil nodded in agreement.

"I know," he murmured.

"I want to help you, I really do! I just...I think it would be too painful for me..." Dan's words slowly became quieter as he spoke, and he was surprised Phil could even hear him by the end of his sentence.

"I know," Phil repeated. "And I don't want to hurt you. I just-" he shook his head. "It was stupid, I shouldn't have suggested it."

"I mean, it's not a bad idea," Dan reassured him. "I just..."

"I know," Phil nervously chewed on his lower lip.

"Sorry," Dan mumbled.

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault," muttered Phil, resting his head on Dan's shoulder.

Dan sighed.

"Are there any other ways to stop the hate?" Dan asked, quietly.

Phil shook his head, a sad smile tugging on his lips.

"Dan we're always going to get hate. There's no way to stop it," he mumbled.

"But this is so _much_ hate!" insisted Dan. "And it's from people who used to be so supportive!"

Phil squeezed Dan's upper arm.

"I'm gonna go rest for a little," he said as he hopped to his feet.

"Alright," I nodded. "Do you want me to order pizza?"

"Sure," Phil smiled.

That night, Dan laid awake in bed, his mind racing a million miles an hour. The brunette ran his hands through his hair as he thought about his response to the idea of faking a relationship. Denying the offer seemed reasonable, but Dan couldn't help but feel guilty. It's not like Phil had been upset, he appeared to be perfectly fine, but Dan felt as if the hate was his fault.

He rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow.

 _'Maybe I should agree to a fake relationship,'_ Dan thought to himself. _'At least then I would be able to act on my feelings as long as we were on camera.'_

 _'But things wouldn't go back to normal,'_ he argued.

Dan groaned, returning to his position on his back. He stared up at the ceiling, an annoyed huff escaping his lips. This was all so confusing.

 _'I just want Phil to be happy.'_

With that thought in mind, Dan hopped out of bed, shivering as his feet hit the cold floor. He wandered towards his flatmate's room and cautiously pushed the door open.

"Phil?"

No response.

Dan tip-toed to the edge of Phil's bed and gently shook his raven-haired haired friend awake.

"Phil?" he whispered.

"Hmm? Wha' is it?" Phil sleepily questioned, rubbing his eyes with one hand and reaching out blindly for his glasses with the other.

Dan awkwardly shuffled his feet, staring down at his feet.

"Dan? Why're you awake?" Phil questioned. "Oh my god, Dan, you must be freezing! Come here!"

Heat rose in Dan's cheeks as he suddenly realized he was standing in front of his attractive roommate in nothing but his underwear.

"O-Oh. I-I just-"

Phil rolled his eyes. "Relax, Dan. We've lived together for six years. I've seen you in your underwear before. Just c'mere."

Dan flushed and crawled under the blankets, laying down to face Phil.

"So why're you up?" Phil asked with a yawn.

"Well...I was thinking," The brunette admitted. "And I think maybe we should fake a relationship."


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

"You don't have to do this, Dan," Phil said as he turned on the camera.

"I know," muttered Dan. "But I want to help you."

"I'd be fine," Phil reassured. "I don't want to play with your feelings."

Dan quickly pecked Phil's lips.

"I don't mind," the brunette breathed.

"Oh-Erm-L-Let's get started, shall we?" stuttered Phil, a light pink dusting his cheeks.

Dan's eyes darted down, his face slowly turning crimson.

"S-Sorry," he mumbled.

Phil shrugged, his eyes locked on his hands. "It's alright. I'm gonna have to kiss you anyways."

"But I should've asked you!" Dan blurted. "I just went and-"

Phil quickly threw his arms around his friend, burying his face in his neck.

"It's alright," he murmured.

Dan happily wrapped his arms around Phil's middle. The two stayed like that for a moment, wrapped in each other's arms.

"Should we start filming?" Dan questioned as he pulled away from the hug.

"M'Kay," Phil nodded.

The older boy turned to the camera, nervously fiddling with his hands. Dan squeezed Phil's upper arm in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. Phil reached up and linked their fingers together, causing Dan's lips to part in surprise. The two shared a small smile before Phil returned to the camera.

"Hey guys," he grinned. "So, I have an announcement..." he trailed off awkward, his lower lip trapped between his teeth. "I'm-Erm-I'm bi. And Dan's my boyfriend."

"So this is how you felt‽" sighed Phil as he collapsed on his back, staring at his ceiling. "This is hard. I'm sorry."

"Well most people also aren't lying about their sexuality," Dan said, trying his best to not sound snarky.

When Phil didn't say anything, Dan turned towards him with wide eyes.

"It was just a joke-I didn't mean to offend you-Sorry."

"I don't know if it was a lie," Phil blurted.

"What?" Dan raised his eyebrows.

"Well, I mean, I'm not sure. But I have found guys attractive before," Phil admitted.

"Are you saying I may have a chance with the great Phil Lester?" Dan joked.

Phil just chuckled. "Do you want pizza?"

"Yeah, alright," agreed Dan, his eyes staring down at his feet.

He sighed and collapsed onto the bed as Phil left the room.

 _'Stop making jokes about being in a relationship,'_ Dan mentally scolded himself. _'You're going to ruin everything.'_

With a deep breath, he heaved himself to his feet and followed Phil into the living room. The brunette plopped down on the couch and hurriedly grabbed his laptop before he could make any awkward eye contact with the older boy. For awhile the two sat in silence. It wasn't until Dan came back up with the pizza that Phil decided to talk.

"Erm-Dan-I was thinking and...If we have to pretend to be dating and we have to kiss on screen, should we be getting used to it?" Phil wondered as he nervously bit his lip.

Dan stood frozen, his hand mid-air as he reached for a slice of pizza.

"Dan?" Phil whispered.

"Are you-Are you inviting me to kiss you?" Dan squeaked.

"Well if our on-screen kiss is awkward, they're bound to notice something's up," Phil reasoned. "But-I mean-They might just think it's because we're not used to being on camera. But-"

"Can I kiss you or not‽ Yes or no‽" Dan demanded to know.

Phil sighed before tentatively nodding.

Dan took a step forward, pressing their lips firmly together. His hands went to grip Phil's hips, while Phil just seemed to wave his arms, not quite sure what to do with them. But a moment later he became slightly more comfortable (though it was obvious he was still feeling quite awkward) and laced his fingers through Dan's hair. Dan moved his hands so they were resting on Phil's bum.

Phil quickly pulled away, taking a few steps backwards.

"I-Erm-S-Sorry," Dan stumbled over his words. "I-I didn't mean to...I just sorta got...carried away..."

"It's-It's fine," mumbled Phil. "Erm-I'm gonna-I'm gonna go..."

The older boy hurried off to his room, leaving Dan alone with his anxieties and uneaten pizza.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

Dan sat on his bed, his duvet wrapped around his shoulders and his laptop balanced dangerously on his knees. The screen was open to Tumblr but Dan was having a hard time concentrating. Ever sense the kiss things had been awkward between him and Phil. Dan knew Phil was trying to remain normal, but the older boy didn't quite know how to handle the situation.

Dan sighed, running his hand through his hair. He had to do something, he couldn't lose Phil.

He slowly set his laptop aside and stumbled to his feet, tip-toeing out the door. He stopped in front of Phil's door, his fist raised. His lower lip wormed it's way between his teeth as he took a large inhale of breath. He hadn't been this nervous to talk to Phil in seven years.

"Dan?"

Dan spun around, finding himself face to face with Phil.

"Oh-Oh, hey," mumbled Dan, a light pink dusting his cheeks. "I-I was just...I was thinking that we should film another gaming video..."

"Erm-Sure," nodded Phil. "What do you wanna play?"

"I-Um-Erm-W-We could-Um-I-I don't know..." Dan admitted, staring down at his bare feet.

The two stared at each other, not moving. Then Phil lunged forward, wrapping his arms tightly around the younger boy.

"I know I've been distant lately but you don't have to be scared to talk to me," murmured Phil.

Dan buried his face in Phil's shoulder, tightening his grip on the older boy.

"Do you wanna watch anime?" Phil asked. "We can think of an idea for the gaming video."

Dan nodded, quickly. "Yeah, okay."

Phil dragged Dan into the living room and the two sat down, leaving a respectful distance between them. Dan curled into a ball, his head resting on the couch cushion as his eyes stayed glued to the screen.

For the first few episodes, the two friends watched with a small distance between them. But after awhile, they ended up cuddled together. It made Dan smile. Maybe things could go back to normal.

"Dilitha is basically phan in the sim world," Phil stated. "I saw that on Tumblr somewhere."

Dan chuckled. "Which one am I?"

"I dunno," shrugged Phil. "The lazier one."

"Oi!" Dan deadpanned. "Rude."

Phil giggled. "Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

A smile flickered over Dan's face as Phil quickly pecked his cheek.

"You're cute," grinned Phil, causing Dan's cheeks to turn a light pink.

"Stop. Ugh. Don't be cute, it's gross," Dan joked, poking Phil's nose.

Phil just chortled and quickly kissed Dan's lips before returning to the screen.

"We need to buy Dil a new hobby," Phil stated.

"Y-Yeah," agreed Dan, trying his best to not appear flustered. "Well, I mean, we wouldn't have to if you didn't make me sell his Bonsai Tree!"

"I didn't make you," Phil argued. "You were the one who wanted money for Tabitha's party."

"Okay, well, how about we buy his violin again?" Dan suggested.

"Sure," agreed Phil. "Do you think he'll remember everything or will he have to learn it all again?"

"I hope he doesn't have to learn it all again," laughed Dan. "That was terrible!"

"So bad," Phil chortled.

"We'll be proud of him anyways."

"We're good dads."


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

It had been about two and a half weeks since Dan and Phil started 'dating' and it had become more normal for them. Acting cute and coupley on camera and suddenly going back to being Normal friends had become second nature.

" _Phillll_ ," Dan called out. "What's for dinner?"

"Pizza," Phil responded.

"We had pizza yesterday," chuckled Dan.

"Fine. Um...we can get Chinese food?" Phil suggested.

"Okay," Dan beamed.

Phil chuckled and gently squeezed Dan's knee before hopping to his feet and wandering out of the room. Dan bit his lip, his eyes focused on the wall across from him. Phil had been getting increasingly more touchy-feely and Dan didn't know what it meant.

Dan's eyes snapped to the door as Phil appeared in the doorway.

"Okay!" chirped the older boy. "Food is ordered and should be here..." he scrunched up his nose. "Well I dunno exactly when but soonish."

Dan chuckled. "Great!"

Phil leaned his head on his friend's shoulder.

"Do you wanna watch anime?" Phil asked.

"I think the real question is when don't I wanna watch anime?" chortled Dan.

"C'mon!" exclaimed Phil, hopping to his feet and tugging Dan into the living room.

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" laughed Dan.

They plopped on the couch, Phil immediately cuddling into Dan's side as Dan fumbled for the remote.

"What do you wanna watch?" Dan asked.

"Death Note"

"Okay," mumbled Dan.

He searched for the anime, trying not to get flustered at the fact that Phil was starting to mindlessly play with his fingers. Dan could feel shocks of electricity go up his arm as Phil's fingers danced around his hand.

"Wh-When will the food be here?" Dan asked, his cheeks pink.

"I already told you I don't know," giggled Phil.

"Oh. R-Right."

"Goodbye! We'll see you next week!"

Dan's smile dropped as he ended the YouNow stream.

"Ugh! That was exhausting!" he sighed.

Phil raised his eyebrows.

"Don't give me that look, it's hard work trying to entertain all those people," Dan defended himself.

"I'm sure you could sit and fiddle with your hair for an hour and they'd still watch," Phil smirked.

Dan shrugged.

"I'm going to take a nap," announced Phil.

He hopped to his feet, pulling his hand away from Dan's.

"Okay," Dan smiled. "I'll be here, on tumblr."

"I would expect nothing less from you," chuckled Phil.

He leaned down, pressing his lips to Dan's before turning around and leaving the room. Dan sat perfectly still. Phil had just kissed him, and they weren't on camera.


End file.
